Here’s Why So Many Moms Refuse to Be in the Frame
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I’ve Spent Years Photographing Moms — Here’s Why So Many Refuse to Be in the Frame (And What Changed Their Minds)
This article was written by Katie Katsenis. Learn more about her down below.
As a pregnancy, newborn, and infant photographer in Los Angeles, I have spent the last 10 years artistically preserving the most emotional elements of motherhood. From baby bumps, pregnancy glows, and tiny newborn toes, eyelashes, and fingers, to first year cake smashes — I have seen a lot of moms.
The one thing I was NOT expecting is the overarching reluctance of moms to be in images with their child or children. In my experience, it is an epidemic of, “No, just the kids are good”.
Early on, I used to respect how moms felt, even though I disagreed. I never challenged them, or told anecdotes of how “there may not be a next year with your kids”.
But as clients came back to me over the years with stories of regret, I began to make more of an effort to get mom in the photos.
The Stories Moms Tell Themselves…
I use the word “stories” because these reasons have just about zero connection to reality. Look carefully at these reasons below and see if you can find a pattern?
- “I still need to lose the baby weight.”
- “I’m not feeling camera-ready today.”
- “Let’s just focus on the kids — they’re the cute ones.”
- “I hate how I look in photos.”
- “I’ll wait until I have my hair done / makeup done / new clothes.”
- “I’m too tired — I haven’t slept in days.”
- “I want the pictures to be all about the baby.”
- “I don’t like being the center of attention.”
- “I’m just not photogenic.”
- “There will be time later — I’ll do it next session.”
Do you see it? Ironically, the pattern is all about mom, but in an inverse, exclusionary way.
She feels out of shape. She does not like how she looks. She is shy. And the list goes on.
She is doing everything she can to convince herself she does not deserve to be in the photo. In my work, my job is to help moms see that images with your kids are NOT about only you. It is about you WITH your kids, and there is a big difference.
When moms are with their kids their looks, demeanor, expression, body language — it all changes. This is because they are with THE most important element of their life. Love and devotion do amazing things in a photograph. It is like nothing else.
I believe this is why Mother and Child is still a favorite subject among traditional painters. There is so much going on in such images, truly authentic ones and it goes far beyond just smiling for the camera.
Here’s What Gets Lost When Moms Opt Out of The Photos
A lot of important things are obliterated when mom is not in photos with her kids. The most important one is the experience itself; the planning about what to wear, letting (older) kids choose their clothes, the “prize” that will inevitably be earned at the end of the session, and, of course, the actual photo session itself.
It is an experience you have together. While infants and toddlers may not remember, older kids will. This gives all the images more meaning.
Another thing that gets lost is Mom. You may think that your kids will remember you, and to some degree, they will. But kids forget a lot because they, rightly so, are focused on themselves.
Pictures of one’s mom matter more than they talk about. And portraits of people with their mothers during childhood (or any age, really) are intangibly emotional and sacred.
Looking back at photos in 5, 10, or 30 years, do you want people to say “But where was mom?” .
Do you want to be asking, “Where was I?”. I can tell you, you don’t. No matter what astronimcal reason you think you have to skip the photos, you’ve got to let that go. Take the photos. Get the prints. Make the memories. It matters. Look at how gorgeous your Mommy and Me Photos can be.
Tips From A Pro So You Feel Your Best In Mommy And Me Photos
1) Wear something that fits and that you really, really like. Anything too tight, or too loose photographs terribly. Wear solid colors. If you feel like you are curvy, wear darker solid colors with long sleeves. If you wear tight bottoms, then complement with a looser fitting top and vice versa.
2) What to know about poses. Your photographer will pose you in the most flattering way, but few things to keep in mind. If you are seated, skooch all the way to the edge of the seat or bench. Sit up tall and lean in towards the camera a half an inch or so. This lengthens and slims your neck. If you want to know more tips, you can see my posing guide here.
3) Not feeling confident about your smile? Practice in front of a mirror! Find what makes you feel good. In my opinion, the best photos do NOT have everyone smiling all the time. Be sure to tell your photographer if you have a “good side” or “preferred side”. And remember, nobody notices the small stuff you worry about. Your kids see you as beautiful, just as you are.
The Regret Is Real
While you can always take images with your kids, even your grown kids, you can never go backward in time. If you have missed some years, let that go. Get back in the game and schedule your Mommy and Me session.
Even if the photos are the “worst” in your eyes, believe me when I tell you they will look amazing 3 years down the line. Don’t miss your kids at the various stages of childhood, it’ll be a memory you’ll cherish forever. Get sessions that are just about you and the kids and not overly distracted by holidays or snapshots and other life events.
Take the time, make the time, spend the time, and have mother and child portraits created for you and your kids. You can also add dad in at the end of the session to get a full family photo as well. Just be sure to tell your photographer that you want that in advance of the session so enough time is prepared.
Creating Lasting Memories with Kids
Being in photos with your kids is truly a joy, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time… These images capture the relationship you have; literally, the most important relationship in your life.
Think about it: your child’s first smile, their tiny hands holding yours, and their sweet little giggles or gaze. Each picture tells a story of love and happiness, your story, together.
Moms, you’re a big part of these stories! Your presence makes these memories whole. Years from now, your kids will look at these photos and feel the warmth of those times. They’ll see the love in your eyes and remember the fun you had together.
So, what’re you waiting for? Get yourself in those photos.
About The Writer: Katie Katsenis
Katie Katsenis is a Los Angeles pregnancy, newborn, and infant photographer. She specializes in fine art portraiture. She is a former special education teacher and lives with her two Petit Basset Griffin Vendeen’s.
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