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I wrote this letter to my firstborn son a little earlier this year in 2020. It was a heartfelt moment for me coming to terms that I was about to become a mama, again!
I know welcoming a 2nd baby never comes without lots of feelings and emotions, but I hope this letter inspires you to hug your firstborn a little closer and sneak in those extra snuggles before your second baby arrrives.
Why I wrote a letter to my firstborn son…
Becoming a mom was one of the most rewarding but also scariest moments of my life. I anxiously awaited the arrival of our firstborn boy through a pretty easy & uneventful pregnancy.
After he was born, I rode the waves of postpartum challenges while I learned to be his mommy, balance life & work, and still try to make time to be a “good wife”.
Postpartum is hard. I thought giving birth was hard, but now I know better.
With our next boy being due in a few short weeks, it brought back some feelings of worry.
But the worry was different this time around.
It wasn’t about me or my life. It’s about how bringing another baby boy into this world could shake up the world of my first-born.
It made me worry we wouldn’t have as much time for him anymore. It scared me to think that he might feel as if I didn’t love him as much.
He is my whole world, my entire universe & it scared me to know he might think otherwise.
So one night, after endless tantrums, lots of tears, and finally laying in bed to rest, I wrote this letter to my firstborn boy (the one who stole my heart first & forever):
To my firstborn son, you’ll always have an extra special place in mommy’s heart.
I remember giving birth to you like it was yesterday.
I remember the hospital staff rushing you away to the NICU since you weren’t breathing well.
I wanted badly to cling onto your little quiet body, but I knew I couldn’t. I fought with every ounce to keep myself composed as I watched everyone leave the room, including you.
I remember sitting in the delivery room, alone with my midwife. The awkward silence filled the room before the sadness hit me that I wasn’t able to be with you, my sweet boy.
I remember the first night at the hospital being hooked up to hourly medications while I fought my heavy eyelids to stay awake and pump every hour for you, my sweet boy.
You see, the sadness I felt you may never know. The tears I cried, you never saw.
But my heart was breaking each minute I wasn’t able to hold you. Knowing you were all alone when you should’ve been snuggled into mommy’s chest instead.
And then it happened.
The day I finally got to see you. The moment I got to hold you for the first time. It was… just oh so magical.
I held you in my arms as you opened your little eyes as if to say “hi mommy, here I am”.
Tears flowed down my cheeks.
I rolled down my hospital gown and nuzzled you closely to my chest. A feeling rushed over me that I never felt before. A feeling of deep unconditional love. A mother’s love.
A love I only knew, because of you.
You see, my sweet boy, no matter how many siblings you may have, YOU are the one who made me a mommy for the first time.
A special moment I’ll never relive with anyone but you.
So when you feel sad that mommy might be too busy with your new brother, just remember the special times we had together. Times your brother will never get to experience as a second child.
Remember the days your daddy would be gone at work for many days and we had all the time in the world to snuggle in our PJs & sing songs all day – just you & mommy.
Remember all the nights I’d stay up with you when you weren’t feeling too good. Those days I’d let you snuggle just a bit longer with mommy in our big bed.
Because no matter how old you grow or how big you get, you will always be my firstborn son.
You, my sweet love, are the little boy who stole my heart first and forever.
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