Helping Dads Bond with Their Baby: What to Do When it’s Hard
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For new dads, adjusting to fatherhood can be both exciting and challenging. As much as we hear about the instant bond between parents and their baby, it doesn’t always happen at first sight. If you’re a new dad struggling to form that special connection, know you’re not alone.
Many dads, whether it’s their first child or second child, can feel a bit lost in the early days of parenthood, especially with so much focus on the birthing parent and baby’s needs.
Bonding with a baby is not always instinctual. It’s a huge change, and if you’re not feeling that strong connection yet, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a great dad. Moms if you’re reading this, it doesn’t mean you have a bad partner either. This article explores what makes it hard for new dads to bond with their little one and offers some simple, practical ways to help create that special bond over time.
This post may contain affiliate links from which I receive a commission if you click or make a purchase. In addition, the information on this site is NOT intended to be medical advice. Please seek professional medical care if needed. See my full policy for more information.
What Makes It Hard to Bond with a Newborn?
Below we’ll cover some of the common reasons that can make it hard for dads and partners to bond with their newborn babies. Some of these might seem obvious while others may surprise you a little and give you a better perspective about their parenting journey.
1. Feeling Disconnected After the Experience of Pregnancy
For new fathers and partners, the pregnancy journey is often very different than for moms. While new moms carry the growing baby bump and feel the baby’s movements, dads experience pregnancy more indirectly.
While they might come along to prenatal appointments, they aren’t the star of the show, if you get the vibe. This can lead to feelings of detachment, as dads don’t physically feel their baby’s development during those nine months, making the birth experience feel like a distant reality.
I know that my own husband loved watching the ultrasounds and listening to our baby’s heartbeat, however, it was also tough for him to have those same feelings as I did because it’s just a different physiological experience.
2. Postpartum Depression and Anxiety Disorders
We often talk about postpartum depression in moms, but new dads can also struggle with postpartum mood disorders after their baby’s birth. This is often referred to as paternal postpartum depression.
Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or even depressed can have a huge impact on the emotional connection between partners and baby. These mood disorders can cause a vicious cycle, where dads feel guilty about not bonding and, in turn, feel even more distant than they already are.
If you can relate to this feeling, it’s important you seek help. Postpartum Support International has a wealth of resources for new parents along with a helpline you can call for assistance, 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD).
3. Lack of One-on-One Time
In the early days, especially after a difficult delivery, many dads feel like they’re playing the role of support for mom and baby, often sidelined to night shift diaper changes or running errands. While these tasks are important, they don’t offer much time for dad to really bond with their baby.
Looking back, I can totally see how my husband slipped into this role too. He was my biggest support after birth, but he wasn’t getting all of the sweet snuggly moments like I was. If dads don’t get that dedicated one-on-one time, it can be harder to develop that strong bond.
4. Uncertainty About Baby’s Needs
For moms, many of baby’s needs come instinctually, while new dads might feel unsure about what their baby needs or how to meet those needs. With that uncertainty comes a little bit of disconnection, making it harder for dad to feel that bond with their baby.
This can be especially true for first-time dads who are still learning the basics of baby care, from bath time to understanding baby’s movements and cues. However, fear not, we have some tips for dads coming up soon!
5. The Pressure to Be “The Provider”
In today’s time and era, dads aren’t always the providers. I know many working moms who have a partner who stays home with the kids, but it doesn’t change the fact that most dads feel the societal pressure to be the provider, which, in some cases, can mean returning to work soon after the baby’s birth.
When dads are working long hours or trying to juggle older children along with the needs of a newborn, it can feel like there’s not enough time to form a secure attachment. Shifting from having their mind in work mode to coming home and being in dad/husband mode, it can be a lot for any person to navigate (moms, included).
Simple Ways to Help Dads Bond with Baby
Now that we have a better understanding of some of the struggles and challenges that can make the bonding experience with baby difficult, let’s jump right into some actionable tips any parent can start doing today to make your bond stronger with your baby.
1. Engage in Skin-to-Skin Contact
Listen up dads, skin-to-skin contact isn’t just for moms. This is such a simple way of bonding and can be a great opportunity for dads like you to feel close to your baby. Holding your baby against your chest helps calm them, and regulate their body temperature, and is an important way to create a strong connection.
This is why hospitals and even birthing centers advocate so much for parents to participate in skin-to-skin contact with their newborn baby.The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages skin-to-skin as a bonding tool for all parents, and it can be especially impactful cardiorespiratory stability(especially in late preterm babies), decreasing stress for both baby and parent, and of course, strengthening that bond. So carve out at least 30 minutes of skin to skin with your newborn baby each day at a minimum.
2. Babywearing with a Carrier
Using a baby carrier is a fantastic way for dads to bond while also giving them the freedom to move around. Whether you’re going for a walk, running some errands to give mom a break, or simply doing things around the house, babywearing helps you stay close to your little one.
The physical closeness and movement can help with baby’s cognitive development and social development, giving dads a great way to interact with their baby while building so much connection with their little one.
My husband’s favorite baby carrier was the Lillebaby Airflow (when they were between the ages of 3-6 months old) and the Tushbaby as they got older. He’s a pretty tall/big guy, so if you’re the same, you’ll enjoy these carriers too.
3. Take Charge of Bath Time
Bath time is another great way to engage with your baby one-on-one. Many new dads find that this daily or weekly routine becomes a cherished time for bonding. It’s a relaxing moment where you can focus on your baby, interact with them, and build a sense of routine and trust. Over time, this regular interaction helps reinforce a strong bond between dad and baby.
And from experience, bath time was a task my husband swooped in on real quick with our boys. It turned into “giving mom a small break” to the absolute most beautiful bonding experience between him and our littles which was so sweet to witness as they got older.
4. Go for Stroller Walks
Another simple and effective way to spend quality time together is to push baby in the stroller. Seriously, get that baby in a stroller and enjoy a walk together.
These walks allow dads to introduce their baby to the world, bond quietly, and build that sense of security together. Plus, regular stroller walks are a great way for dads to be hands-on, get some fresh air, and stay active, promoting a healthy lifestyle for both dad and baby.
5. Get Involved in Night Feedings
This one is important because while it is a great way for dad and baby to get some uninterrupted one one-on-one time, it’s also a great way to support moms during that postpartum healing stage. Even if moms are breastfeeding, dads can still help with night feedings by offering a bottle of pumped milk or formula.
Being there for the baby in the middle of the night can be done via bottle feeding, diaper changes, burping baby, changing their clothes, and putting them back to bed after mom has fed them. Night after night, you’ll find yourself forming a bond during those quiet, intimate moments.
6. Rock Baby to Sleep
You can’t over-spoil a newborn baby. They need that extra love and attention to help them adjust to life outside the womb. That why rocking baby to sleep is a perfect way to help first time dads build a stronger bond with baby. Plus, being able to rock baby to sleep is a huge win, you’ve become one of their more trusted people, so soak that in, and cherish those sweet moments forever.
7. Engage in Special Activities like Story Time
Reading to your baby, even from a young age, and in pregnancy, can have an impact on language skills and early cognitive development. These moments of one-on-one time, where dad and baby are focused on each other, are building blocks for social development and a secure attachment that will grow stronger over time. If it’s anything like my son and husband, you’ll become inseparable little besties over time.
8. Play with Baby
It sounds so simple, but playing with your baby is a wonderful way for dads to strengthen their bond and feel more connected. Simple activities like making funny faces, mimicking their coos, or engaging in gentle, interactive games like peek-a-boo can build trust and bring plenty of smiles.
Tummy time and baby massages also offer gentle ways to bond, while providing physical stimulation that helps with development. These special moments of playing and connecting will help build the kind of bond that can never be broken.
9. Incorporate Routine into Daily Activities
Routines, such as preparing for bed, bath time, or even mealtime, help establish a predictable environment that makes your baby feel secure. When dads are involved in these daily rituals, it strengthens the emotional connection between them and their babies over time. Now this might be hard for dads who travel for work, are in the military, or work as a first responder. So, if building a routine isn’t in the cards for you, just remember there are many other ways (like the ones listed in this article) to focus on, that’ll help strengthen your bond with baby. If you can participate in these routine tasks, you’ll find they become special activities where both dad and baby can form lasting memories.
10. Join a Support Group for New Parents
Sometimes, it can help to connect with other expectant dads or first-time dads who are going through similar issues. Whether it’s in-person through your local hospital or online, joining a support group can provide guidance, reassurance, and the chance to share tips on baby bonding and dealing with the emotional needs of both parents during this time. There’s always power in having a supportive village, that’s something even dads need, too.
Bonding with your baby doesn’t always happen in the first moments after birth, and that’s okay. It’s normal for dads to take time to form that strong connection, especially with all the big changes that come with having a new baby. The most important thing is to be patient and find small, consistent ways to build that special bond over time.
Whether it’s through skin-to-skin contact, helping with night feedings, or getting involved in fun activities like stroller walks, the best ways to create a healthy relationship with your baby come from showing up and spending time together, soaking up one precious moment at a time.
By taking these steps, you’ll be setting the foundation for a strong, secure attachment that will support your baby’s development and your role as a great dad for years to come.