So, You’re Not Excited About Being Pregnant? Let’s Talk!
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You know something is off, could it be? You look down and see the test, 2 little lines indicating a positive pregnancy test. While you know others would be jumping for joy, you simply don’t feel that rush of joy, you’re NOT excited about being pregnant. If you’re feeling less-than-thrilled about your pregnancy—whether it’s your first time, a second-time pregnancy, or an unexpected surprise—you’re not alone. Pregnancy is a big change, and it’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions, from excitement to fear, or even apathy. So, let’s unpack those feelings together, without judgment.
It can be a tough realization to feel like you don’t understand why you’re not excited to be pregnant. You might feel isolated, alone in your feelings, and even more so — just really confused.
These feelings can often lead to self doubt and criticism, for instance, the internal dialogue of “if I don’t feel excited to be pregnant, will I even be a good mom” might echo through your thoughts.
I had a friend who had found out she was pregnant with baby #3. Let me tell you, she lived for her family and kids. She always talked about having more, but something was different with her 3rd pregnancy.
She explained how she hadn’t fully reached the milestone where she was feeling like herself. So, jumping into another pregnancy felt rushed and not natural for her. She was worried these feelings would continue up until meeting her new baby, thus affecting their bond together.
I’m happy to share that she is well over 1 year postpartum with her 3rd addition and they couldn’t be happier, but those initial stages of pregnancy were rough for her. All that said to remind you that you’re not alone if you’re not excited about being pregnant.
So, You’re Not Excited About Being Pregnant?
Pregnancy often comes with societal expectations that every expectant mom should immediately embrace the journey with open arms. Yet, for many, the experience isn’t so straightforward. Perhaps it wasn’t the right time, or maybe the weight of such a big life change feels like too much to process.
These feelings don’t mean you’re a bad parent or that you won’t come to love this new life. It simply means you’re navigating the reality of a situation that doesn’t always match the picture-perfect stories you see on social media.
Let’s explore some of the most common reasons why excitement might not come naturally—and how you can move forward with compassion for yourself.
Why Aren’t You Excited About Being Pregnant?
It Wasn’t a Planned Pregnancy
A surprise pregnancy can turn your world upside down in a matter of seconds. Maybe you were in the middle of big life plans—like advancing in your career, finishing school, or simply enjoying the stage of life you were in—and suddenly, everything feels uncertain. Thinking about how much time, energy, and financial resources a new baby will demand can feel overwhelming, especially if this wasn’t the timing you envisioned.
On top of that, you might be wrestling with guilt or wondering why you aren’t instantly thrilled. It’s important to give yourself grace. Feelings of fear or doubt don’t mean you’ll be a bad parent. They mean you’re processing a major shift—and that’s okay. Allow yourself the space to sit with those emotions and understand that not all pregnancies start with excitement.
Life Feels Unstable
Pregnancy can be daunting even in the best of circumstances, but when life already feels shaky, the whole thing can feel impossible. Perhaps you’re managing financial stress, balancing a new job, or navigating a less-than-stable relationship. These kinds of challenges can make it hard to focus on the joys of pregnancy, like baby kicks or hearing your baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
Remember, you don’t need to have it all figured out right away.
Having a support network—whether it’s friends, family members, or a healthcare provider—can be a great help. It’s okay to lean on others as you take small steps toward creating a stable environment for yourself and your new child.
Pregnancy Is Tough
Let’s be honest: pregnancy is no walk in the park. Between mood swings, vivid dreams, and hormonal changes, your emotional state can feel like it’s been hijacked. And then there’s the physical toll: stretch marks, weight gain, sleepless nights, and all the other discomforts that often hit hardest during the first trimester. It’s no wonder many pregnant women find it hard to feel excited when they’re just trying to survive the day-to-day. Add on a full house of other children — it’s a lot to manage.
You might also feel disconnected from the idea of a baby when so much of your energy is spent adjusting to these changes. That doesn’t mean you’re doing pregnancy wrong—it means you’re human.
Be kind to yourself and remember that your feelings now don’t dictate how you’ll feel later when your new baby arrives.
Societal Pressure
Social media and TV shows often glamorize pregnancy, portraying glowing, joyful moms-to-be with perfect baby bumps and Pinterest-worthy nurseries. But the reality is, not every expectant mom feels that way—and that’s completely normal.
The societal norm of embracing pregnancy with open arms can make those who feel differently worry that they’re falling short of being a good mom. The fact that you live in a 2-bedroom apartment while the IG Perfect mom has a master-bedroom-sized nursery decorated from floor to ceiling can leave you feeling like you can’t give your child enough and they’re not even born yet.
Hear me out: it’s important to separate yourself from the highlight reels of others’ pregnancies.
The ones who seem to have the perfect life are often far removed from the average person’s reality. Strong emotions, both positive and negative, are a natural part of this journey. You’re allowed to have bad days and negative feelings.
Focus on surrounding yourself with supportive people who remind you that there’s no one-size-fits-all way to experience pregnancy and can help meet you in this journey exactly where you’re at (not where you’ve felt the pressure to be).
How to Navigate These Feelings
First, take a deep breath and remind yourself: there’s no “right way” to feel during pregnancy. That said, if you’re struggling with negative feelings or finding it hard to connect with this season of life, there are some simple steps you can take to navigate these emotions.
Try to Reflect Through Journaling
Journaling can be a powerful tool for working through your emotions. Putting pen to paper allows you to explore your thoughts without judgment, creating a safe space to understand what’s really beneath the surface. Try prompts like:
- “What are my first thoughts about being pregnant right now?”
- “What do I fear most about this new life entering the world?”
- “How would I define a good mom?”
These prompts can help you unpack complex feelings and identify any underlying fears or concerns, such as societal expectations or personal insecurities. Writing things down may also give you clarity on what kind of support or changes you need to feel more grounded during this time. You might even find moments of gratitude along the way, as you discover small joys or strengths you didn’t realize you had.
Seek Emotional Support
Navigating pregnancy alone can amplify feelings of worry and isolation — it’s like that feeling of being alone in a crowded room. Leaning on supportive friends, family members, or a trusted healthcare provider can provide reassurance. Whether you talk to a perinatal therapist, join a support group, or simply confide in a loved one, sharing your thoughts with someone who listens can be incredibly healing.
If you feel like you’re the only one struggling, consider joining a group of other expectant parents. Antenatal classes or online forums for pregnant women can help normalize your experience. Hearing others share their struggles can remind you that no one’s journey is perfect—and that feeling unsure doesn’t make you a bad parent.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential. You need to be gentle with yourself as you start to understand and work through these feelings. You could start with small acts of self-care that feel manageable, whether it’s a soothing prenatal massage, a quiet walk, or an afternoon nap to combat sleepless nights. Pregnancy can feel like an endless list of to-dos, but prioritizing moments for yourself is key to protecting your emotional state.
If physical changes like weight gain or stretch marks are making you feel disconnected from your body, consider activities like prenatal yoga or gentle stretching to help you reconnect with your growing bump in a positive way. These moments of mindfulness can go a long way in shifting your perspective and creating space for joy throughout the coming months.
Celebrate Small Wins
Sometimes the big picture can feel overwhelming, so focus on the little things that bring you joy. Did you feel a baby kick today? Did you hear the baby’s heartbeat at your last appointment? These seemingly small moments are worth celebrating, even if the whole thing still feels surreal.
Celebrating small wins doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel something you’re not ready to feel. It’s more about being present and noticing the little sparks of connection when they happen. Over time, these moments can add up and help you navigate the emotional ups and downs of pregnancy.
Remember, feeling uncertain, scared, or even detached during pregnancy doesn’t mean you aren’t a good mother. You’re still on your own pace to become the great person and loving mom your new baby will need. Reach out to supportive friends, family members, or even a counselor to build a support network. I love the resources available on The Postpartum Health Alliance & Postpartum Support International (PSI).
This is your journey, and you’re allowed to feel a little bit of everything along the way.
