How To Handle Annoying Pregnancy Advice (You never asked for in the first place)
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Tired of getting annoying pregnancy advice every time you go to a get-together? Frustrated with all the unsolicited advice your friends and family feel entitled to give about your pregnancy? You’ve come to the right place to nip those annoying, unsolicited comments for the last time.
Pregnancy is a special time for a woman. It’s the time her body transforms to create a living being, but also an emotional journey as she ventures into motherhood.
Unfortunately, some friends and family members find it completely warranted to drop lots of unsolicited pregnancy advice — time and time again.
Sometimes, it’s not someone you know! You could be minding your own business in Target when a strange person comes up to you giving their piece of mind about how big or small your belly looks. How annoying, right?
Today, those annoying pregnancy comments don’t need to be a problem for you because I’m going to share EXACTLY how you can handle them once and for all!
Annoying things people say to you during pregnancy & how to handle them
If you haven’t had to deal with anyone saying these annoying comments to you during your pregnancy, YOU GO GIRL!
For others, they’re not so lucky. Here’s a list of some of the most common (and totally annoying) pregnancy comments some expecting moms have to deal with:
1) Wow, you’re so big.
Here’s some food for thought — if you are planning to make any sort of remark to a mom to be about her body — just don’t do it!
Many expecting moms are already feeling self-conscious about themselves as their body grows a little human. Will it ever ‘go back to normal’? Will they ever ‘love themselves the same again’?
Though we all know a woman’s body is beautiful before, during, and after pregnancy — it doesn’t do anyone any good to make her feel criticized and uncomfortable. Especially…especially if you’re a complete stranger!
2) Are you going to breastfeed?
I understand this comment is often brought up with good intentions, but it is never anyone’s business to know whether mom will breastfeed or not. It is 100% mom’s personal choice.
The pressure to breastfeed these days is so insanely high (again, with good intentions). Instead of asking mom if she will breastfeed, try offering her some encouraging support instead.
- Feeding a baby is hard work, no matter how you choose to do so, I’m here to support you.
- If you need any support while feeding your baby, I’m here to help however you need.
These two comments above are GREAT alternatives to simply asking “are you going to breastfeed?”.
3) Are you going to use drugs or have a natural birth?
First off, medicated or not, all births are a natural process.
And again, why should this matter to anyone?
Sometimes, moms can feel SO overwhelmed by the thought of childbirth (which is where a birth class comes in super handy by the way), the last thing she needs is to feel pressured to impress other moms by choosing a specific birth method.
Instead, be encouraging and let her know that regardless of her choice, she is STRONG enough to birth that baby and she has your support.
If mom hasn’t taken a birthing class yet, gifting her access to this online childbirth class where she can learn all about epidural births, unmedicated births, and more from the comfort of her own home would be a MAJOR win!
4) Your belly is so tiny, are you sure you’re pregnant?
Again, if you plan to make any sort of comments about mom’s body — don’t do it.
You never know the circumstance an expecting mother could be in when carrying her child, so making a judgemental comment about how her belly looks could be very upsetting and even triggering for some moms.
Plus, all babies grow differently. All moms carry their babies differently. It’s a unique journey that every mom will experience in their own special way. Keep the unwanted comments (and judgment) to yourself.
5) So how long were you trying to get pregnant?
There is no perfect time to ask this question. In fact, I consider it a big no-no (unless you actually know the mom to be and her situation).
I’ll never forget being at a mutual friend’s baby shower when a coworker asked her in the middle of a large group “so, how long were you trying to get pregnant?”.
The poor expecting mother became silent. Her body language shifted from happy to almost anxious and sad in an instant. She quietly mumbled, “3 years”.
You’d think at this point, the friend would have taken the hint, but instead, she followed up with “oh wow, I got pregnant in a few weeks. Did you have fertility issues?”.
As if the conversation couldn’t have been any more awkward and messy.
At that point — the expecting mother pulled herself together just enough to say “yes…I’ve miscarried 4 times. It was really hard, but now we have our rainbow baby”.
It was at that point some of the other moms had begun to share they also experienced a loss. They began discussing these tragic feelings of losing something so loved and precious even before meeting them.
It turned into quite a beautiful ending, but still, a question that you should refrain from asking a pregnant person.
6) Did you pick a name yet?
I personally don’t mind the question about picking a name, but I know a lot of expecting moms get so much judgement when they share their name selection.
Aunt Kathy from mom’s side thinks she’s entitled to share how she thinks the name isn’t feminine enough. Your close friend Amy thinks the name is too common. Your mother-in-law HATES that name and forbids you to choose it. See how annoying that can be?
Unless your intent is to say something sweet about mom’s name selection or support her choice, don’t ask what baby’s name will be.
7) When is the baby shower?
I hated this question SO much during my pregnancy. Simply because, I’m a pretty private person.
I’ve never enjoyed having huge parties and inviting tons of people. I like to keep gatherings rather small and intimate with my close friends and family.
So when someone I haven’t even talked to in months asked me when the baby shower was, it was so awkward telling them I wasn’t quite sure (though I knew exactly when it was).
If you’re just trying to be a part of the party, get some free food, and play some fun games, it’s best to refrain from asking about the baby shower for now.
8) Wow, can I rub your baby bump?
I could never wrap my head around why even the most random of people would think it’s ok to ask (or sometimes just act on it) a pregnant mom to rub her baby bump — uh awkward?!
However, some moms DO enjoy sharing their baby bump love with others.
The thing is, we can’t really read the minds of others, so it’s best to refrain from reaching out to touch that bump unless mom makes it known she’s ok with it.
9) Make sure you don’t spoil that baby.
Can someone please explain how it’s possible to spoil a baby? This is some classic old school advice right here.
The idea that tending to your crying baby will spoil them and cause them to develop bad habits has been proved false time and time again by various research studies.
So, whenever someone feels the need to tell you to “make sure you don’t spoil your baby”, you can kindly remind them it isn’t possible
10) Oh geez, you’re still pregnant?
Listen, if someone is making this comment to you, I promise it isn’t will any ill intention.
In fact, none of these remarks are with ill-intention (or I sure hope they aren’t). But this one…this can be very triggering for a mom who is nearing or past her due date.
She’s walking around with swollen feet, an achy back, probably feeling painful contractions, leaking urine on herself, and literally just anxiously waiting to meet her bundle of joy.
Don’t remind a really pregnant mom that she’s still really pregnant, k?
11) You know I have to be there when the baby is born, right?
Nope. Nope. And definitely, Nope.
Demanding to be present in the labor and delivery ward is not only annoying, but completely intrusive.
Mom should be in charge. She can decide who (if anyone) is allowed in the labor and delivery room during birth as well as whether or not they will be allowing visitors.
Nobody else gets to make those demands.
12) I don’t think that workout looks safe for you to do.
There’s nothing more scary than a pregnant mom hittin’ the gym, right?
Wrong. MOST moms who are hitting the gym while pregnant are either very familiar with their body and growing limitations or they may be using a prenatal workout program such as Juna (a pretty popular pregnancy workout app) to help them stay active while being safe.
13) Don’t stay on maternity leave too long.
This one can be tricky to navigate. Most moms are probably thinking “well what I never want to come back to work?!”.
I don’t blame them either.
Having a child that you only get to spend 6-12 weeks with before you have to return to work, away from your baby — it takes a huge emotional toll on you.
So yes, maybe a new mom will try to extend her maternity leave so that she can bond with her baby or maybe she won’t, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t need the reminder that work is still waiting for her.
14) Better sleep now, after baby is born you’ll never sleep again!
This is just mean. We don’t need to scare new moms into thinking they are doomed for life when it comes to getting sleep.
Yes, sleep is rough with a newborn. It can be rough for the entire first year, but it doesn’t mean all hope is gone.
In fact, I highly suggest checking out this incredible sleep resource to help new moms understand more about their baby’s sleep patterns and schedules.
15) Wow, you look so tired.
This one is obvious. Of course mom to be looks tired — she’s been up all night peeing and tossing around in bed trying to get comfortable.
No need to remind her how exhausted she (very knowingly) feels.
How To Handle Annoying Pregnancy Advice (unsolicited pregnancy advice)
The key part to handling unsolicited pregnancy advice from friends, family, and even strangers is to never take it personally.
Remember, this is an exciting time for you and they likely just want to feel a part of the joy too.
However, it can be frustrating to keep getting the same advice over and over again. So the following tips should help you nip them in the back quickly:
1) Keep it calm & kind
The trick to handling unsolicited suggestions from the people you love is to always try your best to be kind.
It may feel easy to snap or be upset if this is the 127th time you’ve heard the same advice, but don’t take it personally.
Try to make them feel like you heard their input, you value it, but that you also must be taken seriously to make decisions that are best for your family without them always being challenged.
Most of the time, when they feel heard and listened to, they’ll be more receptive to backing off a bit, too.
2) Set boundaries
Setting boundaries early in your pregnancy can prevent some of the advice and suggestions you get.
You could ask that they don’t mention anything about breastfeeding, or that they understand you will not be having any visitors after birth.
Whatever your wishes, set those boundaries EARLY to prevent as much headache as possible.
3) Blame your doctor
This little trick ALWAYS works.
If someone is on your case about how you workout, what you’re eating, how big or small your baby bump is, be sure to follow up your response with, “Well my doctor says _________”.
It literally never fails.
Remember, most of the people giving you pregnancy tips, suggestions, and advice (even when you didn’t ask for it) just want to be apart of this special moment with you.
When they get a little too pushy, use one of the pointers above to make it known you aren’t havin’ it anymore (nicely, of course).
So, did you ever have to deal with any kind of annoying pregnancy advice? How did you handle it?
Looking for more pregnancy support, resources, and hacks?
